Sometimes I just want to stop the lesson and tell you all to just go and do it, enough talking, just go and do it.
This hit me like a book on the back of the head for two reasons:
- Earlier that morning I had allowed myself to become stressed and anxious about returning back to church after almost 4 months. I knew it wasn't a choice I'd made but no-one else did. I didn't want to feel that I had to explain myself and appear vulnerable or needy. I was scared of feeling alone in the ward becuase the members didn't know if I was a stayer or a lingerer...with all my heart i want to be a stayer but unfortunately I can't move to that level without some help.
- I felt like I had let the ward down by my absent period. I had been preparing for so much...a calling (I need a calling, I love a calling!) preparation for the temple and not to mention the ideas I'd had for activities that i'd like to have asked to organise. There is nothng more uncertain than someone in and out the weekly meetings, not knowing if you can call on them or not.
Just go and do it can apply to so many things that we hither and dither about. I have now decided to use this as my reminder motto when I'm over analysing something and/or questioning something/someone.
On from that I have also realised I dawdle when it comes to doing service just lately, I analyse the pros and cons of almost anything a little too much...so with those words ringing in my ears I have recognised that where my life is currently not where I want it to be it's a whole lot better, healthier and happer than it was 4 months ago...6 months ago etc. therefore there is no real reason why I cannot "Just go and do it" when I feel the spirit talk to me.
Self confidence and self esteem do not come natural to me, I find it's so much easier to be the person I am on the inside when I can write things down...I have learned a long time ago that the world has an expectation of us and often its not to be so caring and open and considerate as we'd like to be. There is a protection around us to prevent us getting hurt yet I don't really have that fear, I am prepared to get hurt if what I'm doing serves someone else in the right way because I know I will get over it and become stronger.
So the fears I've allowed to bond me are about to be released because when all is said and done if I don't act and live in faith then how can I expect Heavenly Father to not only bless me but direct me and let me serve to the plan He has for me?
Debs
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