This last few days has been a good kind of crazy. While doing a number of online conferences, ironing out advertising deals for my website and taking part in my housing associations online community forum where I am our chairperson it all hit overload when Charley was constantly throwing up, sent home from school twice and even had to call out the paramedics last night {apparently emergency doctors don’t exist round here}. At 5am I sat on the bed and felt so overwhelmed I wanted to cry. Tiredness was probably the firing cylinder there but all the same that clouded feeling had been hovering over me all day.
I scribbled in my journal for a few minutes, it often helps me to just empty my head so I can then reorder things to make sense or prioritise what’s really important. I also noted my blessings, I know I have such a great amount and this week is but a passing phase. Then came prayer. What a jumble of nonsense that was! But my peace came almost immediately. At that point I cried my little heart out because I knew, again that my Heavenly Father understood, jumble or otherwise, He understood and He was there to help me get through this fog.
I’m quite a strong kinda person by nature, though I can be sensitive sometimes. I’m definitely an idealistic, I want everything to be right, people to be loved and a pillar to all but in reality life isn’t like that. I stand alone in many things and that’s more by choice than anything, I whole heartedly believe in my own thinking till I’m proven wrong. I believe in being who I am till I learn a better way. Some walk with me, some don’t but I don’t worry about it. I have to be me, warts and all.
So this week I was rather surprised at how well these Skype conferences were going. My opinions were sought after, my advice asked for and my direction supported. Not only with advertisers but for places I am seeking to teach, places that want me to teach and a couple of other business directions. I love what I do, I missed it when I was homeless and couldn’t work, I believe that people will make or break my business {without even realising} because they are the essence of it, without the learner/client/reader etc. the lot would not come into life. While I have been focused on all of this I have had to keep ducking out to see to Charley who is vomiting more than what goes into his body, the poor kid is really having a hard time of it and spends most of his time on my bed watching dvd’s or sky tv. I’m just glad my computer is in my room so I can do both.
So when I waited for any guidance after my prayer all I got was a simple but strong message:
So today I need to be aware of what exactly I need help with. I realised where my point of overload is and need to try to not go beyond it else I’m losing the direction that was divinely given to me…and others.
So once again I shall pull back and re-prioritise and if need be ask for help from the relevant person and see how it goes. Trust does not come easy for me, I've had my share of rubbish from trusting the wrong people. Maybe that's the lesson here.
What about you?
Debs
I’m quite a strong kinda person by nature, though I can be sensitive sometimes. I’m definitely an idealistic, I want everything to be right, people to be loved and a pillar to all but in reality life isn’t like that. I stand alone in many things and that’s more by choice than anything, I whole heartedly believe in my own thinking till I’m proven wrong. I believe in being who I am till I learn a better way. Some walk with me, some don’t but I don’t worry about it. I have to be me, warts and all.
So this week I was rather surprised at how well these Skype conferences were going. My opinions were sought after, my advice asked for and my direction supported. Not only with advertisers but for places I am seeking to teach, places that want me to teach and a couple of other business directions. I love what I do, I missed it when I was homeless and couldn’t work, I believe that people will make or break my business {without even realising} because they are the essence of it, without the learner/client/reader etc. the lot would not come into life. While I have been focused on all of this I have had to keep ducking out to see to Charley who is vomiting more than what goes into his body, the poor kid is really having a hard time of it and spends most of his time on my bed watching dvd’s or sky tv. I’m just glad my computer is in my room so I can do both.
So when I waited for any guidance after my prayer all I got was a simple but strong message:
Why are you avoiding asking for help?
At first I was rather taken aback, didn’t I just ask the Lord for His help? Then I realised, it wasn’t just His help I needed to ask for, it was that of my friends. That is one thing I struggle with and I’m not sure why.
So once again I shall pull back and re-prioritise and if need be ask for help from the relevant person and see how it goes. Trust does not come easy for me, I've had my share of rubbish from trusting the wrong people. Maybe that's the lesson here.
What about you?
Debs
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