Wow has it really been that long?

So much has happened since I last updated here.

Good things and not so good things.

People have come and gone.

Situations have changed.

Life has made me laugh and cry.

I've loved, hurt and loved again.

I'm so thankful for the life I live.

Moving into this house almost 4 years ago has been a great period of recovery.

From a miserable, dark, sad place along a rocky road and a few ditches I think it's safe to say I am exactly where I was intended to be.

Would I do things differently? Heck yeah! If I knew 4 years ago what I do know I would certainly be better prepared.

However, it was b/c I wasn't so prepared that I learned as much as I have.

The biggest things I have learned is no-one needs to like or love me for me to be likeable or loveable.

I was lead to this realisation by a friend who saw I was struggling and decided to give me 'the talk'. 

At first I listened, feeling somewhat defensive and very much in denial.

Then came the odd pricks of my conscience.

Then the realisation that 'oh my days, that's me!'

and it wasn't exactly the person I wanted to be.

You see, I had allowed others influences to affect my judgement, not only on them but on myself.

Because I was betrayed by someone I took it to heart, I hurt and I got angry and therefore my vision was clouded.

But the more I listened to my friend, the more my heart relaxed, I knew it was time to address this hurt and frustration and move on.

So I set up an appointment with my bishop. We talked, I cried, we prayed and he told me how amazing he thought I was.

I'd never, ever in my entire life laid out my heart and soul so much as I did that evening.

I felt the love of Heavenly Father in a way that was very new to me.

I felt the love and respect from my bishop.

He and I finally understood what it was that put me in such a dark place.

My inability to love myself enough to allow myself to be imperfect.

From that moment on, after a special blessing I was granted the ability to think clearer, clear enough to allow my thought process complete itself enough to find a solution or a step towards a solution without it overwhelming me into an emotional mess.

This lesson has become a foundation underneath my feet.

No matter what life throws at me, this is where I begin and hold tightly whilst I figure it all out.

I'm so thankful for each and every challenge I've ever had b/c now I see the lessons and feel the rewards of learning them.

:)