Choices - Part II

I’ve been doing some thinking about the last post and how the initial event started and then transpired. It’s left a bitter taste in my mouth and I can’t quite shift it yet.

I am a firm believer that its ok to feel hurt, pain, anger, frustration etc so long as we are willing to work towards understanding it and fixing it. I don’t think it’s ok to vent it towards others, either directly or indirectly or to make it available to the world. I still feel hurt by the whole situation I was faced with 2 days ago. I was mortified that I’d offended and angered the person I’d mentioned and I immediately acted to apologise and explain. However the more I think of it the more I see the way it has panned out was by someone else’s lack of thinking and in all honesty, ability to read it in the way I would say it. The comment was made in a private, select group and was in no way offensive unless to a very, very sensitive person so basing it on that minimal allowance I shouldn’t have said what I did.

So why then do I find that it’s ok for those ‘defending’ don’t give a hoot how I am left feeling, don’t see they too could do with  making an apology to me for 1. misunderstanding and/or 2. their reaction to me.

I have lost much trust and faith in people just now. I don’t usually find it hard to forgive anyone, even though I may choose to not have them in my life again it all depends on the situation and how bad it is. So with this being something minor, and the person I said it about hasn’t made contact with me I am baffled why I feel so hit over the head. I am also baffled why the people concerned chose to see my comment as an attack rather than a tease...I very rarely stop joking around. If I have to change that much then who am I, really? It’s not something new that I said, I said it to the person concerned and he laughed and said ‘yeah, it seems like it sometimes’. I have told this person time and again that I do understand how busy he is, how many times I (and most likely others too) need to wait and be patient for a response from him. That’s ok, I get it.

Today I am seriously struggling to raise my 8 yr old in this kind of setting. I have to raise him to be the best he can be and if I can feel alienated (and this isn’t the first time) amongst my own then I refuse to teach Charley how to do that too.

Practice what you preach people, because as it stands I don’t see it happening and I will not conform to someone else's standard and become like some of the examples I’m experiencing. Hard? Yes,  probably but that is what I’m learning in this ‘area’, and it seems I’m becoming all too good at it. :(

Debs