My last post was pretty full on…but I had to offload it, share it, do something with it because I know I am not alone in how I feel about many things right now. I am fed up of pretending I’m this strong and capable person when sometimes I am far from it. Last week I crashed and burned. I spent hours crying my heart out and writing in my journal, analysing and thinking, praying and pondering. I know I am very blessed to have a testimony that will always get me through my mortal trials, something that really does keep me going when I need it most.
I have come to see how what I am going through right now is the unwinding of the 8 months of being homeless, the frustrations of losing my ‘life’ through someone else’s choices, the inability to pull things back together for the sake of my kids. I feel helpless when my daughter yells her frustrations at me, hitting out because I am the only one that she can really do it to when life is too much for her.
I wouldn’t change my life, as hard as I am finding it right now I wouldn’t change a thing because yet again I know this is a test that I will not fail. I will not fail because I am tough, I am a woman of strength and I know the purpose of the great plan.
My friends have been my rock, they don’t even know how much and I wish I knew how to tell them. While I am on the edge of tears most of the time I also have a smile and a giggle on the ready too…because all in all….I am just a human being searching and seeking spiritual conclusions.
Debs
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